Russia June St. Petersburg
I have already been living in Saint-Petersburg for many, many years but I was born in a small provincial town and spent all my childhood in the village. So, village life is a part of my nature and I really miss it living in such a huge city.
So, it was my big intention to surround myself with the things which remind me about village. And when I got my own flat which is very small even tiny, I together with my designer made my wishes come true. Such kind of apartment interior is quite specific and not common in Russia, Ikea style is more popular here.
When it was offered, I easily agreed to participate in an international project, but at that moment I did not have a clear idea of its essence. When everything became clearer, I had big doubts that I could get involved in such a strange topic and find some kind of response in myself.
But one small detail helped me to accept the project fully. Formerly I was a good and easy traveler, but after I had to go through very serious illnesses I became a bit disoriented and I’m still afraid to be helpless and lost.
But at some moment I realized that such a project is also a kind of travel, but a travel without my specific problems. Everything became much easier because the travel of the art was in my home.
Now I'm glad to get to know Ellens creativity through her art project. Sharing her idea of bringing people closer together. And I’m thankful for the chance to participate in her project!
Nice to know that I can write everything down in that travellog (with an ordinary ballpoint pen). Even if it seems like nonsense. Maybe I'm a bit concerned that other people in Russia will see my records when they get the book in their turn, but hopefully I will manage with this feeling.
I like being in my flat with the drawing and I really enjoy such a company. And I even managed to forget that our time together is limited. Ellen’s art is very modern. I do not consider myself to be its fan. Contemporary art is interesting to me from the point of human imagination and ability of the hand. And partly because I want to follow the modern world and not be divided from it.
The main reason why I’m a bit indiferent to contemporary art is that it does not create any warm feelings in me. The older I get, the more I need those feelings and I look for them in everything.
At first glance Ellen’s drawings seemed to me very mechanical and are unlikely to cause any kind of response in my soul. But they came to me not somehow, but via Norbert (an important name for me) and I thought that nothing happens by chance and maybe I will discover something for myself upon a closer view.
To my surprise I felt closer to the drawing as soon as I unpacked it. After a day or two I had the feeling that a portal opened in my house through which I was moved to my very favorite times. The times when I was light and easy, without the bitter experience of my sufferings and defeats. When life was like a miracle. This was very strange, because I did not trace any direct connection between the drawing and my heart. It looks like the drawing has some kind of energy investment and it is very kind and helpful.
At first when I wanted to describe my senses, I looked at the drawing in the same way as if I looked at any traditional art work. I was searching for familiar images in the drawing. Much later I began to have a common perception and it was so nice to stop looking to find something. The best moments of our communication were to see how my mood or state changes when my eyes accidentally caught the drawing. I suddenly stopped….froze for a while….began to think about something unexpected for myself or stopped thinking about anything….calmed down ..... all these moments were amazing but it’s difficult to discribe them. The time which was built in for me and the drawing we were alone (partly because of pandemic). But honestly speaking I think I would not find any company among my friends to share this project. But maybe I'm mistaken. Also I understood that being in this project I did’t need anybody's influence, remarks or comments. It would make our friendship with the drawing difficult, a bit public and not too personal as it was. But now, already having my own experience with The Muze, I can share the project with those of my friends and familiar people who show interest in it.
I think this project has a value to be in the world. My experiance with the drawing is a very convincing confirmation. Thanks to this project I recognize myself so differenly, I didn't expect it especially the way it happened. All this through a very strange-first impression-drawing. Some people maybe don't know what really can help them to open up and understand themselves. As for me, I would never say before that the kind of drawing could be such a good assistant in self-recognition and psychologicalsupporter.
Knowing 36 others in different live situations also take part in it I have mixed feelings. From one side it’s so nice and interesting! From another I'm a little jealous of giving “my” drawing to others, I'm a bit worried that other people will know me from inside and maybe find me crazy or awkward. It sounds very provincial but it is. And I'm glad that I was the first one and nobody's notes confused me.
Was I more open to it all because it is part of a project? Or could it have worked like it did anyway?
Yes, I was really more open. Knowing that I participated in the project I gave and felt much more than if I would buy such a drawing as a part of my flat interior to make it just a part of my ordinary life.
For me the project is not finished when the drawing travels along. I remember this thing and always feel some response in my heart when I think of it. All these memories are kind and peacefull.